I am sorry I could not
Sit with you after you
Passed. My vigil was
For your life, not your
Death. And, yes, I was
Vigilant while you still
Drew breath, alert to
How precious a gift it
Was to watch over you
Of how precious our
Life together, our love
Was. I sit with you now
Still. I hold vigil in my
Heart's remembrances
The rest is just rearranging
The notes of our songs, or
The furniture in our rooms,
The clothes we wear or the
Jackets we discard. It's all
As expected, as it was set
Down, jotted once, so we
Can play upon a template
To make it our own, ours
To make it the music that
Is the backdrop of our life
Rhythm runs your heart,
Beats out the time, taps
Down through your toes.
Its syncopation rides in
Every movement, you're
Smooth, gliding with a
Grace that's memorable
The counterpoint sweeps
Everyone off their feet
The rearrangement is the
Arrangement, the timing
Is right on the beat, the
Counterpoint moves so
Effortlessly, melodiously
You feel each note move
Through your heart, I can
Rewrite a chapter, change
A word or two so its all in
Rhythm, a drumbeat that
We recognize as ours alone
Do I miss you, darling?
You, of all people, know.
You know I miss you,
And, even, I’ll bet, how
Deeply I miss you. It is
Intense, this absence of
Yours. Yes, I miss you,
Dear. Yet, also, I live my
Life, a life different from
The one we shared, the
One I miss when I say I miss you, darling, so
Much. I […]
Yes, dear, I do
You are not outside my window
Because
You are inside my home
Because
You are inside my heart
Because
You are not outside
Because
You are inside
Because
You are not outside
My window, my heart, my home
Because
You are my home
Because
You will always be my heart
Because
You are not outside my window
Because
You will always be inside
My heart
Because
You are inside me
I am okay. I sleep.
This uttered in the
Middle of the night
Does not reassure
But perhaps affirms.
I am awake but I will
Find my way back to
Snoozing soon. This
Uttered in the middle
Of the night doesn't
Reassure but affirms.
I am okay. I sleep.
I slept. I did. This
Uttered in the light
Of dawn reassures
And confirms I am
Okay. I welcome the
Light, as the dark is
Fading, has faded. I
Am awake to the joy
Of a new day. I am
Okay and I miss him.
I know nothing about love,
Its chemistry, its molecular
Substrata, I know only the
Feelings of joy that linger
In its shadow, in its aura, in
The smile, and in the soul.
I know nothing of its physics,
Its reasoning, its intricate
Deliberations. I know only
My joy at your touch, a joy
That lingered through the
Years when the physicality
Of love-making vanished as
If vaporized by the changes
In your mind and body. I know
That love stayed in your heart.
I know it remains in mine.
I miss his touch
Let me make that
More personal, I
Miss your touch
I feel your presence
All around me all
The time but I don't
Feel your hand on
Mine. Your caress
Thrilled me even, when
Weakened, your
Body could not. I
Miss so much of
You, who thrilled
Me, even when lost
Or confused, you
Could not find me
Although I was there
Standing vigil by
Your side, no longer
Lying in your arms
Where I knew I
Belonged and long
Now to be. To be
With you, to be
Yours. To be touched
By you, and held
And comforted
I miss your touch.
I miss you. I know
You know that.
That's a comfort, but
Still, I miss your touch
My heart is constant
Even as the weather
Blows hot and cold, as
Moody as any feckless
Lover, changeable as
A young man's fancy
In the spring, faithless
As it rummages in my
Wardrobe, tugging at
Wintry coverings one
Day, pulling out lighter
Garb the next, windy
Or ill-tempered, warm
And endearing on an
Afternoon with hope
And promises. I hold
Steadfast, unmoving
In the shifting storms,
My heart full of love
And memories
Memories of you are
Kicking around in
My thoughts, revisiting
The places we loved,
Where we were in love,
Where you and I, in love,
Walked, where we sat, we
Were everything to each
Other, where we were in
Love, lovers. Sweetheart,
Whereever I am, I relive
The us of us, the you and
Me of yesterday and today
We are still you-and-me,
In love and loving. I am
Always
Thinking of you
I get up thinking you need me.
The darkness of the light casts
Shadows. I know you are gone.
Tamara, really